20 minute read

Hi my name is Claire Bennett and I am a workplace mental health and wellbeing specialist, the owner of Hornbeam Workplace Wellbeing and a partner of The Human Business.

One of the most impactful things we can offer  another human being is time and space. As a micro business owner both of those things can feel like they are seriously lacking. I can relate to that feeling of wearing multiple hats and feeling like the list of things to do just keeps getting longer. To add to that us business owners are also human beings with friends and family who we may find challenges staying connected with due to high demands from a work perspective on our time, mind and energy.

I recently became aware of a concept called the 8 minute conversation through leadership guru Simon Sinek’s podcast. In it he talked about how to be a good friend using focus time and listening skills and giving permission to be clear on asking for help. But friends in business? Surely this is business and friendships sit outside that right? But why? Why do we feel that business and personal connection have to be separate?

I mean we hear all the time that “People buy from People”. People recommend others all the time because they have a connection BUT I would argue that the quality of the recommendation, the quality of the introduction is down to the emotional connection you feel for the person you are referring. The more you feel for them the more you care about them, the more you want to support them and recommend them.  So actually I think it’s safe to say that in business we need to learn how to be a better friend. But why 8 minutes?

Dr Bob Waldinger, a professor of psychiatry at Harvard medical School and the author of The Good Life. says: “Most people tend to think that in some unspecified future we’ll have a ‘time surplus’, where we’ll be able to connect with old friends. However, in reality that may never materialise, so the best thing to do is invest the time right now.”

Great concept right? But unfortunately that doesn’t give you the physical time to have those conversations and so you will probably end up just keep putting them off.

So what’s the answer?

There have now been some studies that demonstrate that 8 minutes is the perfect amount of time to connect with someone.

It started off in workplaces trialling 8 minute meetings, because of the time constraints it made them very efficient and focused. Those principles where then trialled in 1:1 interaction’s and the same positive outcomes where achieved. Now I am not saying that all of your emotional connected conversations should be 8 minutes. But how will you ever embrace those connections and feel the benefit from them if you never pick up that phone, waiting for the time in the future when you do have the time, which as we’ve already said will likely never arrive. Building in the 8 minute conversations and creating that habit has many health benefits. Clauida Glaser-Mussen, a psychotherapist in NY says “Hearing the sound of a loved one’s voice is emotionally regulating.” That 8 minute focused conversation is enough time to and allows a deep enough understanding of what is happening for each other that all of the bonding hormones start to hit.

The 8 minute conversation has 4 key principles which are

Authenticity –  In a world where we are constantly bombarded with images, messages, and expectations from every direction, finding and holding onto our authentic selves can be one of the greatest challenges we face.

So, what does it mean to be authentic? At its core, authenticity is about being true to oneself. It is the alignment of our words, actions, and values with our true inner selves. It is the courage to be genuine, to show up as we truly are, without pretence or facade.

Being authentic starts with self-awareness. It requires us to look inward and understand who we are. This means acknowledging our strengths and weaknesses, our passions and fears, our dreams and realities. It means accepting ourselves fully, without judgment or denial.

However, self-awareness is just the beginning. Authenticity also demands vulnerability. It requires us to let down our guard and be open about our true selves with others. This can be incredibly daunting in a society that often values perfection and conformity over individuality and honesty. Yet, it is through vulnerability that we build genuine connections with others. When we are authentic, we invite others to be authentic as well, creating a space where real, meaningful relationships can flourish.

But authenticity is not a static state. It is a dynamic process that evolves as we grow and change. It demands continual introspection and the willingness to adapt and adjust as we learn more about ourselves and the world around us. Being authentic means being flexible and open to new experiences, ideas, and the perspectives of others, even when they challenge our preconceived notions or comfort zones.

In business, authenticity is equally crucial. Authentic leaders inspire trust and loyalty because they are consistent, transparent, and true to their values. They create environments where people feel safe to express themselves and contribute fully. Authenticity in the workplace fosters creativity, collaboration, and a sense of belonging, all of which are essential for success in today’s fast-paced, ever-changing world.

However, being authentic does not mean disregarding others’ feelings or behaving without regard for social norms. It is not an excuse for rudeness or insensitivity. Authenticity must be balanced with empathy and respect. It is about expressing our true selves in a way that also honours the truth and humanity of those around us.

To live authentically is to embrace our imperfections, to celebrate our uniqueness, and to stand firm in our values. It is to recognize that our true power lies not in who we think we should be, but in who we already are. When we are authentic, we are free. Free to pursue our passions, to build genuine relationships, and to live a life of meaning and purpose.

Authenticity is a journey, not a destination. It is a continual process of self-discovery, vulnerability, and growth. It requires courage, honesty, and a deep commitment to being true to ourselves.

Next we have Active listening – Active listening is a conscious effort to hear not only the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, to understand the complete message being communicated. This involves not just hearing, but fully engaging with and responding to the other person.

Active listening starts with being present. This means giving the person our full attention, setting aside our own thoughts, and resisting the urge to formulate our response while the other person is still talking. It means turning off our internal dialogue and focusing completely on the other person or at least bringing ourselves back into focus actively if we find we have drifted. In our age of multitasking, this can be challenging, but it is essential for truly understanding and connecting with others.

But being present is only the first step. Active listening also involves showing that we are listening. This can be through non-verbal cues such as nodding, maintaining comfortable eye contact, and body language. It can also involve verbal acknowledgments like “I see,” “that’s understandable,” or simply summarizing what the other person has said to ensure clarity.

However, active listening goes beyond these cues. It requires us to interpret and understand the emotions behind the words. It means paying attention to the other person’s pitch, pace, and tone as well as their body language to gain a deeper understanding of their feelings and perspective. This approach helps us connect with others on a more profound level, fostering trust and openness.

Why? Because as humans we have an in built need to feel heard. When we know we’ve been heard to allows us to believe that we’ve been understood and being understood allows us to feel validated as intrinsically important and that makes us feel SAFE. So, when you really listen to someone, when you actively listen, you’re really saying “I see you, you’re important and you’re safe with me”.

Ask yourself this, when you feel you’ve been really heard and understood how do you feel in yourself and how do you feel towards the person who has listened to you? Pretty good eh?

My guess is you feel a real connection with them, you might even feel a sense of trust with them. Like you feel they have your back.

Well, if you feel that then it’s probably a safe bet to say that if you provide that to others they will feel that towards you.  

An essential aspect of active listening is asking questions. This shows that we are engaged and interested in what the other person has to say. It also helps clarify any ambiguities and ensures we have a complete understanding of the message. Questions like “Can you tell me more about that?” or “How did that make you feel?” can encourage the other person to share more deeply and honestly.

Active listening also involves managing our judgements. It is about creating a safe space where the other person feels heard and respected, without fear of criticism or interruption. This means keeping an open mind and being willing to see things from their perspective, even if it differs from our own.

In our professional lives, active listening is crucial. It improves teamwork, fosters innovation, and enhances problem-solving by ensuring that all voices are heard and valued. Leaders who practice active listening are better equipped to understand their team’s needs and concerns, leading to higher morale and productivity.

In our personal relationships, active listening is equally important. It strengthens bonds, resolves conflicts, and builds deeper connections. When we listen actively to our friends, family, and partners, we show them that we care, that their thoughts and feelings matter to us. This nurtures trust and intimacy, the foundations of any strong relationship.

However, active listening is not just about the benefits it brings to our relationships with others. It also enriches our own lives. By listening actively, we open ourselves up to new ideas and perspectives, broadening our understanding of the world. We become more empathetic, more patient, and more aware of the subtleties of human communication.

Then we have Empathy as the next principle – Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It is a bridge that connects us to one another, fostering compassion, understanding, and kindness.

Empathy begins with the simple yet profound act of putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes. It is about imagining what it is like to walk their path, face their challenges, and feel their emotions. This requires us to look beyond our own experiences and perspectives, and genuinely seek to understand those of others.

In a world that is incredibly diverse, empathy allows us to connect with people from all walks of life. It enables us to see the common humanity that binds us all, regardless of our backgrounds, beliefs, or circumstances.

Empathy involves three key components: cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, and compassionate empathy.

Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand another person’s perspective or mental state. It involves recognizing and appreciating their thoughts and feelings, even if we do not share them ourselves. This intellectual understanding is the foundation of empathy, helping us to grasp the experiences of others.

Emotional empathy is the capacity to physically feel what another person is experiencing. It’s the sensation we get when we see someone else’s pain or joy and feel it as if it were our own. This shared emotional experience creates a deep connection between individuals, fostering solidarity and compassion.

Compassionate empathy goes a step further. It involves not only understanding and sharing in another’s emotions but also being moved to help. This is the aspect of empathy that motivates us to take action, to support and care for those in need. It is the driving force behind acts of kindness.

Empathy is essential in every aspect of our lives. In our personal relationships, it helps us to be better friends, partners, and family members. When we empathize with our loved ones, we can offer genuine support and understanding, strengthening our bonds and resolving conflicts with care.

In the workplace, empathy is a critical leadership skill. Leaders who practice empathy can build more cohesive and motivated teams. They understand the needs and concerns of their employees, creating an environment where everyone feels valued and heard. This leads to higher job satisfaction, greater collaboration, and improved performance.

However, developing empathy is not always easy. It requires us to be open and vulnerable, to listen deeply and without judgment. It demands that we step outside of our comfort zones and challenge our own biases and assumptions. But the rewards of empathy are immense. It enriches our lives, deepens our connections, and makes the world a better place.

Finally we have Curiosity – Curiosity is the desire to learn, to explore, and to understand. It is an innate quality that propels us forward, urging us to ask questions, seek answers, and expand our horizons.

Curiosity begins in childhood, with every “why” and “how” posed by inquisitive young minds. This natural curiosity drives children to explore their environment, learn new skills, and develop their intellect and deepen their connection with other. As we grow older, it is essential that we nurture this curiosity, allowing it to flourish and guide us throughout our lives.

There are several key aspects of curiosity that make it such a powerful and transformative force.

First, curiosity drives learning and personal growth. When we are curious, we are motivated to acquire new knowledge and skills.

Second, curiosity fosters creativity and innovation. The desire to explore the unknown leads to novel ideas and solutions. It pushes us to think outside the box, challenge the status quo, and envision possibilities beyond the conventional.

Third, and most importantly in the 8 minute convo concept curiosity promotes empathy and understanding. When we are curious about others, we seek to learn about their experiences, perspectives, and cultures. This deepens our empathy and helps us build meaningful connections with people from diverse backgrounds. In a world that often feels divided, curiosity can bridge gaps and foster greater understanding and compassion.

However, curiosity does not come without challenges. It requires us to embrace uncertainty and be comfortable with not having all the answers. It demands that we remain open-minded, willing to question our assumptions and explore new perspectives. In a world where information is readily available, curiosity calls us to dig deeper, think critically, and seek understanding rather than mere facts.

Over the next 4 video sessions we will focus on a principle at a time to deepen our understanding using tools to guide us. Our aim is to create a supportive community of ‘friends in business’

Look forward to seeing you next time….